Struggle

hoho
finally the so called "holidays" are here yeah(:
but then again
i was told by this peer (i forgot who)

Enjoy this holiday, because this will gonna be your last holiday until the end of next year.

Omg lahs=.=
after hearing this my holiday mood went off totally=.=


well, even amidst the hols i got some assignments to complete ehs.

Here's the list of assignments that make me go arrgh! :

Maths
Differentiation tutorial
Maclaurin's Tutorial
Revision

Physics
Holiday Assignments
LOADS of catching up and revisions

Chemistry
Holiday assignments (optional but i think im going to do)
LOADS of revision again

Econs
Project on Global Credit Crunch


so
how's the list? =.=

im still not sure whether did i miss out anything.
damn.
thats a whole load of things i gotta complete
before the horrendous cycle of JC life begins agn next year 12Jan
Gosh.

Then
another killer problem i have tied on my hands.
I am not sure if anyone related will read this.
but seriously, i just feel like quitting badminton.
As in the cca in school.

it's just taking up too much of my time and putting me down real hard.
I already find it so sick to go to trainings and so sick to even speak out my views or feelings.
Im just so sick of everything.

As mentioned by the coach and someone before :

If there's this one thing everytime you need to do it and you start thinking of excuses to run from it or to stop doing it, then you are really sick of it. It's time to stop it.

That's what happening to me now.
and guess what.
i dont have a choice to stop it.


Firstly
i appealed into NYJC via badminton.
I owe the teacher.
Though via appeal it's still possible to quit,
plus the fact that together with me the 3 appeal students into NYJC via badminton have bought the teacher a sort of thankyou gift,
but it still makes me feel damn bad quitting it.


One side of me is like.
hey come on, just quit man.
Why give yourself so much stress so much trouble?
After all you are able to quit.
Besides, you are really yearning to go back to malaysia to visit your 15-year friend and your family isn't it?
Plus your knee isn't in the best condition already, do you wan to carry a walking stick by 40+ year old?
And by quitting, you can focus more on studies next year too.
Then everyday you wun have to dread going to trainings and start getting pissed and stress over this for the whole day.

The other side of me.
Hey dude, you came into this school cos the teacher helped you.
Without him, you will not even be here today, you will not even be in 0813.
This is what you owe him.
Do you wan to live with guilt after you quit badminton?
Are you sure you are going to do it???


Damn damn damn.



and some stuffs are just bugging me real closely.
Affairs of the heart.
plus quite a number other crappy stuffs

Double damn!






sometimes i wish i could just run away from all this.
or someone there to support me, give me the strength i need
to shoulder all the burdens
all the dreams
all the goals i have on my shoulders.

but then agn.
no one seems to be there...


forget it.






Damn agn.
i gotta start planning the schedule and stuffs.
need to call up econ mates for the project real soon.
otherwise will be pretty tied down.

oh ya.
gotta return to school tml to train with ah siao too.
gonna self-train badminton
cos of the absence on wed ignited some sort of a furore
so accompany that ah siao go back train lo

court training + gym training.
gosh.
i sure gonna be tired like hell tomorrow.
physical day.
bless me!

that's it.
Ciaos ppl.




Cheers(: