how i wish i had control.

well..
im finally back here in Sg.
and seriously i dont feel good or happy about it.
I've gotten myself used to my malaysia life again..
it jus feel so sick to be back here again
*sigh.





i miss my grandma
i miss my grandpa
i miss my uncle
i miss my aunt
i miss my cousin
i miss my good o' friend there
and there's a special someone i miss too...terribly
Mr LKK will know what i mean=.=
and damn, im sure he's so gonna laugh at me.



my grandma said smth today i came back
and really, it was spot on
which made me feel really lousy

"The older you got, the less time you got to spend here, with us, your grandparents and family here. When you were younger, you used to come back here and stay for months..."

and hell yes
i miss that period of time when i was young.


found out from my grandma that when i was younger
i had a VERY high fever once
was admitted to hospital.
she was so worried that my brain will get damaged and i'll become a retard.
my grandma took care of me for several nights, without sleep
and that enable me to recover in a much faster time than i should had.

my grandma took care of me from young till i was about pri 1, which is about 8 year old.
for 8 years, a solid 8 years
everyday i had the company of her , my grand-dad and my uncle
they doted me so much.
if im able to describe it in words back then
i'll feel like i had the world back then.
they know EVERY bit of my habit
know what i like to eat, know how the way i will eat my stuff, know how the way i will behave, know where i would hide and what would i do when i got scolded.

when i first got brought to Singapore by my parents
my grandma cried every night, because she cant feel the presence of me around her
and so did I, cried the worst i can for several nights.
8 years, she slept beside me all along

i still rmb how she will scratch my back for me because of a habit i have
i still rmb how i used to hold her hand every night if not i'll not be able to fall asleep.
i still rmb how she will bring me to my kindergarden in the car, telling alot of interesting stuffs.
i still rmb how she will wait along the road for my school van to come and bring me home when i was Primary 1.
i still rmb how how we ate lunch together at home, in a metal tin which i particularly preferred.
i will NEVER ever forget what she has done for me, NEVER, and so i wouldn't forget what my uncle and grandpa did for me too, how they doted me, that will stay in my heart FOREVER.

Everything just seems so memorable.
If there's a chance, I WANT TIME TO TURN BACK...

I just hate leaving and parting
it just make me feel so bad, so weak, so no-control-over it.
I JUST HATE IT.



P.S : I MISS EVERYONE, and her too...