pretty ok day, with half a day spent in school
another half with my group of J1s.
not bad uh~
anyway, i just confirmed another fact about myself.
I seriously have very bad mood swings, worse than a girl's pms i tell you.
in a day, you can see me laugh emo x5 times repeatedly
scary?
*sigh*
for some reason, my mood's at the bottom again currently,
maybe it's cos the Valentine's effect.
Somehow, 2 days i dislike most during a year are Valentine's and my bday.
weird huh.
will not elaborate much, but i guess it's pretty much obvious.
at times, i just somehow hate myself.
yeah, myself.
hate that why do i think so much.
to the extend it really drives my mood down, really badly.
am i just bothering myself unnecessarily?
are my priorities right?
i wish i know the answer to this.
had a talk with my dad just now.
same old topic.
born as a guy, i knew i carry different responsibilities from the girls
and as the eldest grandson of a really traditional grandfather
even greater responsibilites lie on my shoulders.
i know the expectations my family have of me.
i seriously dont wish to disappoint them...
and myself as well.
put me in any areas/field, i'll put up the best fight i can.
i really really want to let them be proud of me, of my achievements.
if possible, i'll give in my 120% into everything i do.
but, there's this me that nobody knows of.
and, perhaps i wouldn't let anyone to know of too,
till i met that HER in my life.
this is the damn area that's driving me crazy everyday and night.
countless of times i tried to balance and rearrange things
but all efforts in vain.
sometimes, i wish i was born differently, then perhaps, things will have gotten better.
some much in me to say
yet dont know what to say
who to say to...
at nights like this, how i wish i have someone to turn to...
i know, i am pathetic.
laugh all you wan to.
i just feel so tired..
"Love is like playing the piano. First you must learn to play by the rules, then you must forget the rules and play from your heart." ♥
-Unknown
P.S : those in black, the lovely J1 bunch i took charge of.
the one in blue, my OGL mate.
No comments:
Post a Comment